To My Brother From the Same Mother

I want to take a moment to publicly recognize someone who is very important to me. This person has been, in many ways, my role model, my guide, and my inspiration for who I've decided to become. Acting as my conscience, adviser, mentor, and keeper, this person has done so much for me and I have never taken the time to thank him. Daniel, brother, this one is for you.


Few people know you, bro, the way I do. Years of living with you have taught me to be able to see behind your eyes and into a deep, contemplative, complicated mind. You have always been a thinker, and by that I mean you would actually go places alone and do nothing but think. You would think about books that you've read (and you've read a lot of books), movies you've seen, people you've heard, and you would try to make them all work together, just to see if it was possible. I think your college years were your happiest. You had a chance to read more books, watch more movies, listen to more people, and do much more thinking. Eventually, you hoped you would get the chance to put all of that thinking to the test.


Then came life after college. I think it's safe to say that life after college is pretty much never what graduates expect. You weren't able to find a job consistent with your degree right away, but that was no big surprise. Almost no one does. You tried being a sales representative. As someone who's been there, I can say that it must have sucked hard core. I was always impressed with how you stuck with it and always came back with a goofy grin because something weird happened to you that day. When I was a sales representative, I just came back tired and cranky. Anyway, it just seemed like your life was full of adventure, especially when you almost died in Peru or wherever. That was quite a story to hear!


However fun or adventurous your life may seem on the outside, I know that it must cause you quite a bit of stress and pain. How could it not? Being on the verge of poverty has been something you and I have grown up with, but it has never been something to get used to. We've both been scratching and scraping to pay off college debt, and it never seems to end. I know our lives have not been the stuff from fairy tales where they live happily ever after. I know that we've both done things that we will regret for the rest of our lives because we can't forgive ourselves even though every one else already has. We both have been living lives that punch us in the face and kick us while we're down. I've tried to imagine myself not stressing over money, but that seems like an impossibility. I know you have probably been thinking the same. I also know that you probably have many more problems that I may never hear about. But I do know that you will come out winning, like you always have.


So when you feel like tearing at your hair and crying out, "what the hell am I supposed to do now," consider everything our family has gone through and still come out alive on the other end. We lived in a country where corruption was a way of life, but Mom and Dad fought the flow and held fast to their moral standards. Even though doing business honestly was not the most profitable way to live, we are still alive. Remember how our uncle would criticize Americans until we were bleeding from the ears from listening to him? He wasn't the only man like that. The majority of the people in our neighborhood hated Americans, for no good reason, but we are still alive. When we moved back to the United States, we came poor and we stayed poor. Job after job, problem after problem, it just seems like life keeps pelting us with shit, but we are still alive.


Sometimes, life is just hard to live. We live in difficult times, and it seems like everyone in our family has a shit magnet stuck to our backs. Everywhere we go, trouble follows. We can't seem to get a break. I know this has been the case for you. It has been for me as well. But don't think for a second that your problems are your fault! Life has a way of testing you, of tempering you until you are nigh unbreakable. Daniel, you have been through more problems than anyone else I know, and you've always come back up swinging your fists for more. Yes, you would get beat down, but then you would get up and puff up your chest in defiance as if to say, "Is that really all you've got?" Mom always talks about how problems roll off of me like water on duck feathers. What she probably didn't realize is that I have become that way from watching you. Your ability to have an unshakable faith in God being right, no matter what the circumstance, has always been your greatest quality. The meaning of the name Daniel is: God is my judge. This means that the only living being to be able to dictate your life is God himself. What a terrifying and comforting realization, knowing that there is literally nothing in the world that can stop you from achieving your dreams because God is the only one that can actually tell you "no."


If you ever feel like you are under appreciated, first of all, forgive me for not thanking you for being my keeper. But also know that there are many people who have been positively affected by you, possibly without realizing it. You have never been a man of many words, bro, but we all know that actions speak louder; you have always been a man of action, and that is what everyone is going to see. People can see your integrity, your honesty, your desire for the good of humankind. You have the heart of a stalwart defender, a fierce attacker, and a caring steward. People see this in you. We can see that you are what it means to have faith the size of mustard seed and still be able to move mountains. Maybe it doesn't seem that way to you, but that's only because you can't feel the weight you've lifted from my shoulders time after time.


If you feel like nobody cares about you, you've never been more mistaken. Mom and Dad planned you. You weren't a broken prophylactic. Mom and Dad loved you before you were an embryo...and then they made you and embryo, but we don't have to go into details. Your siblings have always cared about you too. We may have teased and pestered you, but that's only because we find ourselves unable to express our undying respect and envy of the person you've become. And of course, never forget that God nailed eternal proof of his love for you on a common crucible so that all people, dead and living, could see that you are someone for whom he gives a damn. Bro, that kind of love can't be severed by a thousand swords. There is no pit in Hell hot enough to consume the love directed toward you.


I wrote this because, as I've said, I've never taken the time to thank you for being my big brother. Reading over this post, I can see that it could bear to be revised and polished, but I choose to leave it as is. I wrote this from the heart. You deserve to have my thanks in its raw form. Maybe that only actually makes sense to me and not to anyone else....The point is, you are who I want to be when I grow up (I still have quite a bit of growing to do I think). Thanks for being my moral compass. Thanks for being the one to side with me when no one else would. Thanks for lending a helpful hand when mine are full.


Thanks for being my brother.