The Elusive Sandman

It's hard to say when he left the room. I would say he was never there in the first place, but the little piles of sand prove otherwise. The only thing I can say for sure is that it's 5:15 a.m. right now and I'm not asleep. Could it be that I'm distressed because he left little dumps of dirt all over my floor? Maybe I'm upset because he was creepin' in my room while I tried to sleep. In any case, I'm awake, and it's his fault.


Seriously, man. You've been doing this job for at least three hundred years. Maybe age is finally catching up to you? I mean, I suppose lugging around an eternally heavy bag of sand from room to room can get tiring, but you're not even human. You should be able to do this without getting tired or sloppy. I work at a place where the customer is always a priority. I know I don't pay you for gunking up the corners of my eyes with sleepy powder, but I still should be your top priority, especially if you're gonna be creepin' in my digs!


You know what happens when I can't sleep? My mind wanders. You name the fantastical place, my mind has been there. I've seen three horned unicorns (yes, I know, that would technically make it a tricorn, but in my mind it made sense), gumdrop waterfalls, pickle orchards, talking mushrooms, poor leprechauns, rich beggars, trees with teeth, trees with wings, trees with girlfriends...the list literally goes on forever. Now whenever I try to sleep I'm terrified. I'm beginning to think I might not be as sane as I was hoping.


I don't know, I guess I should be thankful that you put sand in my eyes and not in my pants. Waking up with dirt in your crack doesn't sound pleasant. Speaking of cracks, all that dirt that you spilled on your way in/out of my room, it doesn't fall between the floor boards. You could at least sweep it under the rug or something.


Ugh, now that I'm actually trying to be creative I feel you creepin'. My eyelids are getting heavier as we speak. You sneaky, sneaky villain! You don't let me sleep when I want to, you don't let me stay awake long enough to try to be creative.


OKAY! FINE! You win. I'm going to bed. But I'd better fall asleep dang near right away or there will be dunes of pain coming your way. I'm not sure how to catch a sandman, but I'm guessing you really wouldn't like a glass of water dumped into your sandbag.


You've been warned, Sandman. I sleep, or your precious sleepy sand gets the precious wakey water.